“I Wish I Had An Eating Disorder Like You”

Content warning: eating disorders

That’s what people mean when they say they wish they were thin like me. A few days ago my sister said those words to me, like having an eating disorder is something eccentric and fun, something you can wear and remove whenever you feel like it.

“I’m going to stop eating like you”

I’ve been battling my eating disorder since my late teens, it’s not fun. It’s not a joke. It’s not just skipping meals. Having an eating disorder takes over your life, it does something to you mentally and emotionally not just physically. To hear someone close to me, someone who I’ve felt safe to share my thoughts with turn it into a trend makes me so angry.

Part of me feels like maybe it’s my fault for talking about my body image so much but I can’t help it coming from a culture that believes fat = healthy and doing well, thin = poor and sick. Every time I gain a little weight and I’m in a good place and not thinking about my self-worth in kilograms, someone mentions it. My mother says “wow you’ve gained so much weight” she knows I struggle with eating but to her gaining weight means I’m in a “good place” and something to bring attention to. When I lose weight and my sister says “what did you do to lose so much weight. Tell me so I can do it too”. She knows about the purging, the skipped meals, the constant weigh ins, the self-disgust, so my brain is struggling to understand her words.

To wish for an eating disorder as a means to lose weight in front of someone who has an actual eating disorder is insensitive and cruel. Having an eating disorder is a fight to stay alive.

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Winter TBR: Southern Hemisphere Edition

It is winter this side of the hemisphere and the days are shorter and the sun takes forever to rise. While everyone is doing their spring/summer tbr lists I give you my winter reading list. For me winter is a great time to dedicate to a book series. Something about the gloomy weather, warm drinks and staying indoors encourages lengthy reading sessions. Until I find employment my days will be spent indoors reading books.

The fourth book in this series was recently released and a lot of people don’t seem to like it. There’s nothing like a good rant-review to put a book higher up on my TBR.

I read the first book in this series a few years ago and I loved it. This winter I’ll attempt to finish the series, starting with the first book.

I need to finish the last few chapters of this book out of basic necessity. I think what made me flake on this series so close to the end was that I tried to read the entire trilogy one after the other with nothing in between.

I first read this duology at the start of the year and was completely won over by Leigh Bardugo’s writing, her characters and the world they live in. I’ll be rereading it again this winter because I loved it so damn much.

I shelved this book in 2012 and 6 years later it’s still waiting to be read.

It’s one of those books that even if you haven’t read it, you know all about it. I know there’s an Andrew Minyard that everyone fawns over constantly. Perhaps this winter I’ll fawn over him too.

Noah Can’t Even was released last year and it’s the cutest, hilarious, most adorable book ever. It’s the kind of book that puts a smile on my face when I think about it. The sequel is being released on June the 7th and I hope I’ll be able to read it before the end of the year.

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Hopefully I’ll finish the books on this list before winter ends. There are so many books that I’d like to add, books that were published earlier this year and books that I’ve been meaning to read for years but I’ll start here. I’ve been in a reading slump lately so maybe this list will keep me focused.

What season is it where you are? Are there any books that you connect to that season? Let me know in the comments.

Breathe,

Sakhile

Book Review: It Only Happens in the Movies | Not Your Typical YA Romance

book review it only happens in the movies

It Only Happens In The Movies cover © Usborne PublishingTitle: It Only Happens in the Movies

 

Author: Holly Bourne

Genre: YA Contemporary

Rating:★★★★★

Wow this book. I was expecting cliché romance like the movies. All swooning lovers, moody bad boy love interest and the stereotypical hurt-by-love protagonist. And yes, it was all that. It was all that and more.Right from The Best Friend Who Only Exists To Be Your Best Friend to The Bad Boy Who Changes His Ways Just For You to The KISS.

Audrey’s decided that her Media Studies project is going to be about the lies romance movies sell us. After her father tears apart her family for another woman, she’s convinced love isn’t real but then she meets Harry at her part-time job and becomes the zombie bride in his amateur film. Jaded as she is, Audrey finds herself falling for Harry’s charm.pexels-photo-247646-01

Audrey has had to grow up fast following her father’s betrayal and her brother going off to uni because of her mother’s mental state. Although she’s doing the best she can to look after her mother (having uncomfortable meetings with her father about their near homelessness, taking care of her mother) her brother makes her feel like she’s not doing enough regardless of the fact that it’s not her job to mother her mother. Audrey’s father’s complete disregard for his family and his ex-wife partnered with his new wife’s thinly veiled contempt for Audrey made me so angry.

Harry, our darling love interest, is an idiot but a loveable idiot so I was rooting for him right up until The Big Mistake.

“I won’t hurt you,” he said. “I just wanted to say that. I have no plans of doing anything to hurt you.”

… And, you know what? I’m sure he meant it when he said it.

Audrey and Harry go through all the typical stages of a rom-com movie: the big date (that goes horribly wrong but ends with a kiss), the grand gesture and the formal event.

I loved this book because it had realistic depictions of family life after divorce, teenage romance, not-so-stellar first time that most novelsabout teenagers don’t generally do.

This is definitely a book I would love to see a movie adaption of. Holly Bourne’s style of writing is simple and yet acute.

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Recommended if: you’re looking for a fun cliché (but not really) romance that makes fun of the love romance movies sell us.

 

 

 

April Wrap Up: The Curse of The Reading Slump

April was a slow month for me. I was (still am) in a bit of a reading slump so I took my own advice and tossed aside anything that didn’t interest me after two chapters. Perhaps I’ll get back to them in another time. I read 6 books this month and managed to stick with personal monthly reading goals (1 Non-Fiction ✓, 1 Book From TBR ✓, 2 Books By Authors of Colour ✓)

Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

12000020★★★★☆

This is one of those books that if you mange to get past the first page you’ll love. I must have started it a 100 times before actually reading it. The story of Ari and Dante discovering the secrets of the universe over the course of two years is beautiful. There’s something too similar in most of the books published lately that you don’t find in this book and that’s why I fell in love with the simple lyrical writing, with Dante’s softness and their families. This book was beautiful.

The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish

34974310★★★☆☆

Tiffany Haddish’s book sounds exactly as she does. Her personality really shone through which is something most celebrity biographies fail to do. She’s very candid about her life experiences, both the bad and the good. She shares some really interesting stories about her life and making it as a comedienne. I find it difficult to rate biographies because they’re so personal and you’re essentially rating someone’s life experiences.

Love Lessons by Heidi Cullinan

17853573.jpg★★★☆☆

Cam’s starting his college life hoping he can begin on a clean slate and have all the romantic experiences he missed out on in high school as a closeted gay boy. Unfortunately it seems no one shares his Disney-coloured version of dating. He falls in love with his cynical roommate. There was a weird subplot about a professor that I felt didn’t really tie in with the rest of the story or make any sense.

A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares by Krystal Sutherland

32969999.jpg★★☆☆☆

This book started out a bit slow but turned really interesting and dark then fluctuated into page after page of unintelligible drudgery. The main character’s family believes there is a curse that was passed on to them from generation to generation which makes them very paranoid leading to having extreme phobias and mental health issues. The main character’s childhood friend convinces her to do everything on her list of worst nightmares in order to draw Death out and convince him to lift the curse. It was all fun and games until the mc’s brother attempted suicide and saved by their father who had resolved to never leave the basement even though his family was crumbling on the main floor.

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson

20820994.jpg★★★★☆

I’ll give you the sun is a story of grief, returning to yourself and the unknown connections we have with strangers. This book was so well written I wanted to eat the words. The writing, the portrayal of the relationship between the twins Noah and Jude, the two different sides of how they grew apart and finding their way back to each other. Both are artists and with the combined loss of their mother and jealousy over their artistic abilities the rift between the two grows wider.

Like Water by Rebecca Podos

31556136★★★★☆

Bisexual rep, genderqueer rep and Hispanic-American rep. Vanni is all set to escape her small town but is held back by wanting to spend time with her dad before Huntington’s Disease takes over. She meets Leigh and starts questioning her sexual identity. I loved this book. I loved that it wasn’t a sad gays book, we need more of those.

 

 

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Books I Didn’t Finish:

 

Solitaire by Alice Oseman
The Name of The Wind by Patrick Rothfuss
The Nowhere Girls by Amy Reed
Spindle Fire by Lexi Hillyer

 

Currenlty Reading:

Yesterday I Was The Moon – a poetry collection by Noor Unnahar
Coffee Boy by Austin Chant

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What was April like for you? Read any good books you’d recommend? Let me know in the comments and I’ll add them to my TBR shelf.

Breathe,

Sakhile

The Highschool Book Tag

Hi,

Thank you to Alienor at Meet the Book World for tagging me in this book tag reminiscent of high school days. Although my country doesn’t have “prom” or “spring break” I think my consumption of books set in America qualifies me for this.

Rules

  • Thank the creators: Namitha @ Teen Memoir and Jasmine @ How Useful It Is
  • Answer the questions
  • Add pictures! (If you want to)
  • Tag (about) 5 people

A+ on the test: A book or character that makes you smile.

Noah from Noah Can’t Even. This book and the character always make smile. Just looking at the cover is enough to put a smile on anyone’s face.

Sports team: A fictional family that you want to be a part of.

A Brief History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewcycka.

Class president: A book that tries to make a difference.

The Go-Between by Veronica Chambers, this book does TRY to make a difference but fails miserably on eradicating the stereotypes people have on Latin Americans.

High school sweetheart: A book character you have a crush on.

Day from Legend trilogy.

Prom night: A book with a beautiful cover.

At First Blush by Beth Ellyn Summer. The pink makeup theme on the cover is gorgeous and it doesn’t hurt that the book is super sweet too.

Spring break: A book you can always turn to when you need to escape.

Spud by John van de Ruit. The best book series I have eve read.

School lunch: A book character(s) you want to have lunch with.

Sparrow from Sparrow by Sarah Moon. 14 year old me and her would have been great friends; our love for books, hiding from people in the library and extreme maladaptive daydreaming.

Hallowean party: A character you would like to be for one day.

Hermione Granger. I wanted to be her when I was younger.

School bully: A villain you don’t want to go to school with.

Laurent’s uncle (Captive Prince) and Wylan’s father (Six of Crows). Evil father figures are the absolute worst.

Graduation: A book with a bittersweet conclusion.

The Sun is Also A Star by Nicola Yoon

I tag

 

Breathe,
Sakhile

Book Review + Discussion:  Solitaire by Alice Oseman| Did Not Finish

Title: Solitaire22915465

Author: Alice Oseman

Genre: YA Contemporary

Rating: None

Trigger warnings: eating disorders and self-harm

When I first joined Book Twitter one of the widely discussed books was Solitaire by Alice Oseman. It seemed to be the holy grail of YA book blogging so naturally I was intrigued. Continue reading “Book Review + Discussion:  Solitaire by Alice Oseman| Did Not Finish”

Down The TBR Hole #2

Hi, having another go at cleaning out my TBR again. Down The TBR Hole is a weekly meme created by Lia at Lost In A Story. This is how it works:

  • Go to your goodreads to-read shelf.
  • Order on ascending date added.
  • Take the first 5 (or 10 if you’re feeling adventurous) books
  • Read the synopses of the books
  • Decide: keep it or should it go
  1. Going Too Far by Jennifer Echols

The first review had me gagging. Verdict – Go

Continue reading “Down The TBR Hole #2”

Book Review: 10 Things I Can See From Here | Anxiety and Coffee Dates

Title: 10 Things I Can See From Here31019571

Author: Carrie Mac

Genre: YA Contemporary

Rating: ★★★★☆

Goodreads

❝I kissed her then, because there were no words for how much I liked her in that moment. Loved her, maybe.❞

10 Things I Can See From Here is about feeling the fear but doing it anyway and finding new ways to deal with anxiety. Maeve moves from Seattle to Vancouver while her mother is away in Haiti. She’s staying with her dad, her pregnant stepmother and her twin brothers. Maeve’s anxiety disorder makes her scared to do the simplest things but she does them anyway, for her family. Continue reading “Book Review: 10 Things I Can See From Here | Anxiety and Coffee Dates”